Breastfeeding - How to deal with a biter

This seems to be a current topic of conversation in my mom-baby group, as many of our kids have multiple teeth.  Cupcake still only has her 2 bottom teeth, but they're razor sharp.  And yes, sometimes she bites.

We went through a bad biting stage for a while, and I asked my local La Leche League chapter for their advice.  They are such a great source of information, even if I still find them overly AP for my tastes.  Also, through asking other people, I've come up with a brief summary of some techniques to deal with a compulsive biter.

Here goes:

Reprimand : Pull them off the boob and say NO! very firmly.  Then put the milk (boob) away.  This didn't work for us.  Cupcake found it hi-la-rious.  Which then would make me laugh, and well... it wasn't getting the point accross.  At the LLL meeting, many ladies said that this technique works in theory, but not in practice.

Distract and underplay the reaction:  Many times, yelling Ow! in pain or telling them a firm NO! can be counterproductive, because most babies laugh at the attention.  Instead, try to have a non-reaction.  When they bite, pull them away (making sure to insert your finger in their mouth so you're not pulling your nipple out while biting, ouch!), and cover your boob.  They will cry, and you distract them with a teething toy in their mouth, or something else in their hands.  When they're calmed down a bit, start breastfeeding again.  Repeat for as many times as necessary until they seem to get it.

Know that this too, shall pass.  Just because the baby has started biting all the time, it doesn't mean this is the new normal.  Like everything else, they go through phases.  Cupcake had a terrible week right before her first tooth came him, and I was basically ready to end our breastfeeding relationship.  I gave myself a deadline for a week away, if she wasn't done biting by then, we'd have to use formula. Her tooth came in before that time (lucky girl) and she stopped biting.  Still bites once in a while, but it's very seldom.  Right now she's teething again, so she'll bite more, but it's not a chronic issue.  

Prevent the bite.  Observe their biting habits.  Are they biting at the end of the nursing session, before the let-down, when they're done with one side?  Maybe they're done drinking for a bit and need to teeth.  Have a cold teething toy close at hand.  And when they're drinking, observe closely if the sucking motions are slowing down, then pull them off the boob and insert a teething toy in their mouth.  As in, try to pre-empt the bite.  I've never been able to actually do this.  Cupcake always catches me by surprise.

Nurse when well rested.  Many times, they bite out of frustration or tiredness.  See is you can feed them at times when they're not dying for a nap.  This has really worked for us.

Change nursing positions.  For example, Cupcake will only bite me when she's laying down.  If she bites, I switch her to sitting.  She sits on my lap, facing me, with the boob on her face.  Looks hilarious, but it seems to distract her enough.

The boob smother.  The Dr Sears recommended method of pushing the biter's head into your breast.  Effectively, this smother forces them to have to open their mouth and they can't bite (it saves your nipples too) Repeat as many times as necessary until they get the point.

Any other techniques you would like to share?  I'm always open to breastfeeding advice.

Babywearing an under-the-weather baby

If I wasn't enough of a baby-wearing fan, I can now add a new dimension:  keeping your sanity while your baby is sick.

Cupcake's had a cold, which I talked about on my last entry.   So, as anyone who's feeling yucky, she wants to be held more.  So I've been using our sling a lot, the same one I maligned before because it's on the big side.  The thing with this sling is that I can't take it outside, it just doesn't feel secure.  However, in the safety of home, when Cupcake wants to be cradled, its the perfect thing.

I'll just bounce on our yoga ball, and have her on the sling.  Sometimes she falls asleep on it, other times it's just not comfortable so I'll have to get her out and hold her on my lap on the couch.  The house is falling apart, but I could care less.  Cupcake is sick, and I want to make sure she's as comfortable as possible.  I mean, when I get sick, I like attention and hugs (really, I want my mommy).  So why wouldn't my baby be any different?

I've also been using the Ergo a lot, since she also naps on that.  The main problem is that she's been needing me to be moving-moving-constantly-in-motion. It's okay, it's what she needs.

We also hit a baby-wearing milestone, if you can call it that.  Yesterday, while she was sleeping on the ergo, I managed to successfully use the bathroom without waking.  I'm not sure if it was an inevitable turn of events, but I'm still amused that it happened.

So, yay for baby-wearing.  Not just for carrying the baby outside.  If it wasn't for my carriers, my arms would be falling off right about now.  I love holding her, but I can't wait until she's feeling better and wants to play on the floor again.

La Leche League meeting

I'm officially obsessed with parenting.  What can I say, Cupcake just turned 5 months, and she's just so .... awake, aware of the world, and opinionated.  And those opinions include not wanting to nap longer than 40 minutes at a time, a dictator-like control of exactly when she wants to be held and for how long, and waking up several time through the night to... hang out, I guess, I'm not sure what her agenda is there.

The night wakings are of particular stress to me.  Not just because I'm someone who enjoys my sleep (will I ever get to experience the wonders of sleeping in again?), but because they intersect with parenting philosophies and her MCADD needs.   Most of the people in our Mom group seem to be going through sleep training, or at least the most vocal moms.  And I hear them comparing CIO stories, or how their babies are now sleeping 10 hours straight, or whether it was hard to give them tough love but now they're sleeping in their own room, etc.  Why does it feel like they all joined forces and did this at the same time?  Did I miss the sleep training memo?   I was beginning to feel like the odd duck.

Then I met the lovely ladies of our local La Leche League chapter.  What an amazing group of women dedicated to breastfeeding and helping each other through the process.  And also,we  finally saw the crazy attachment parents I'd been waiting to meet since I found out I was pregnant.  I was beginning to think Brooklyn had become mainstream.  And boy, they were incredibly reassuring to  my parenting instincts.  Sometimes it's good to see the extreme version of your parenting philosophy, and have that mother content and functional, to appreciate your own position in the middle.

Their attitude towards nigh wakings was refreshing.  I'm paraphrasing the things they would say:

- I love the night feedings , its my chance to bond with my baby, just the two of us without all the distractions of the world

- Its how I make sure she's getting all the nutrition she needs

- You must feed regularly through the night to keep your milk supply, what, you don't feed 5 times through the night, oh you poor dear!

- Of course I co-sleep, it makes it so much easier to feed those 5 times per night that the baby needs for nutrition and bonding!

Finally!  People who respond to night-parenting by breastfeeding and think it's great!  When talking to other people who are sleep training, I'd always felt that MCAD was the only reason why I was staying up with the baby.  Now I realize that there are many many wonderful (not insane) mothers who also feed on demand at night.  It's a way of seeing our night routine as a parenting choice rather than the consequence of Cupcake's disorder.

Next meeting is in a month.  I'm looking forward to it.

Parenting philosophies

It seems that every parenting instinct has a name theses days.  Not just a name, but also a title, a website, and rabid advocacy on the internet.  While trying to figure out some standard timetable for developmental milestones, and also browsing through the many many parenting blogs, I've come to the conclusion that I'm not sure in which category I fall.

Does the fact that we co-sleep, breastfeed and I baby-wear cupcake mean we are attachment parents?  I mean, I related to many of the basic ideas of Attachment Parenting, but then again, we dont really subscribe to the green/cloth diaper aspect of things.  I would like to, but my sanity has its limits.  We also use pacifiers, and have no issues with strollers, swings, and the like.

What does it say about us when we decided to not let Cupcake "Cry it Out".  Is this a reflection of our parenting philosophy, or simply the result of having a baby that never gave us serious sleep problems.

Where do we fit the fact that cupcake got her ears pierced at 3 months?  We messed with the sanctity of what "god" gave her.  (I use the word god loosely, as I am a devoted Atheist yet Nate is a spiritual Christian,  so who knows what will happen with Cupcake when she's older?  That's a topic for many many more blog entries in the future).

And then there's the issue that one's attitude towards a small baby is very different from that regarding a toddler, preschooler, newborn, teenager, adult, etc.

So far I want to address Cupcake's needs as she  needs them.  Because of MCAD we have a feeding schedule (rather than feeding on demand, like La Leche League and similar lactivists advocate).  But she sleeps and wakes on demand.  The only real sleep training we're doing is that we've made no effort to make her bedtime any earlier, so she goes down for the night at around 10 pm.  But I hold her when she needs it, try to give her space when she needs it, change her as she needs it, or at least I try to do all these things when she seems to need it.  Seriously, who knows what she actually needs.

So... do we qualify as Attachment Parents?  And based on how exaggerated and controversial so many of them tend to be... do we even want to?