Overwhelmed

Today is one of those days when I feel that I'm failing as a mother.  Cupcake has needs that I just can't meet.  Where did my chill happy baby go?  Why was she replaced with the fussy machine that needs constant attention?

I joined our mom group in a walk in the park.  After surviving a brutal winter, today was one of those spring days that makes people prematurely decide the cold is over (it's 50 degrees you say?  Off with the coat!).  Yeah, the wind chill factor actually made it much less desirable to be out than we suspected.  Nevertheless, it was nicer than its been in a while, so we went to do the Park loop, which is probably about 3 miles long.

So off we are, Cupcake in her stroller, me with my tennis shoes ready for action.  Within minutes Cupcake falls asleep, as she's wont to do.  And life is good.  But then we had to stop so a fellow mom can feed her fussy baby, and I realize that it's awfully close to cupcake's feeding time too (I had topped her off right before leaving, but that wouldn't necessarily mean that she's sleep through her feeding time.)   I guess the lack of motion woke her up, but once Cupcake was up I figured I might as well feed her too.  She fed fine, just one side, and seemed content with it.  Or maybe she wasn't fully content, but it was so windy and cold, and she so uncovered, that I decided that she'd eaten enough to satisfy her metabolic needs.  In any case, she went back on the stroller and proceeded to munch on her toy.  I thought nothing of it.

What followed was 40-60 minutes of constant whining.  Her pacifier kept falling off and I'd reposition it, then she'd take it off herself and suck her finger, then she'd look sleepy and need the paci back, and start the process all over again.  It was windy, and I wanted to cover her from the drafts, so I had to open the stroller every time she needed anything.  Her hands felt freezing since they were wet and covered in drool.  Stressful, to say the least.  And all this was happening at the furthest point of the loop, so my only choice was to keep going, going, going until we reached our side of the park.

I'm so frustrated.  I feel like I'm failing at some mothering skill that made everyone elses' babies hang out happily on their strollers the duration ofthe ride.  Other kids stay on their carriers for hours, or take long 2 hour naps on their strollers, or seem overall better adjusted to the realities of being outside of the house for long periods of time.  Cupcake can do everything on 40 minute limits.  She naps on her stroller with no problem, but once the 40 minutes are up she needs to be OUT NOW.  There's also a time frame on her carrier, and she wont sleep on it.

I'm so overwhelmed by this low attention span problem.  I can't take her out for long periods of time.  What will happen when I want to take her to Manhattan and she gets fed up with her stroller/carrier when we are there?  There's no turning back at the point, I'm afraid.

This just feels so permanent, like it will never end.  It gets better, right?  They learn to stay in one place longer, their antsiness gets more under control, doesn't it?  I really hope it does.