Doctor care

I'm debating whether to switch doctors, and its a very nerve-wracking process.  On one hand, I like our current doctor, he seemed nice, attentive, patient and had a good bedside manner.  On the other hand, there's a birthing center within a hospital in NYC, and I feel it would be terrible for me to not try that.  It just so happens that I'm not fully convinced with the other doctor we saw.  Was is that she wasn't ALL that nice, or was I just kinda tense and nervous to begin with?  I am not sure, and it's killing me as though it were the most important decision of my life.

I called the birthing center doctor and they said they take patients up to 20 weeks (that's safely in the second trimester, right?) which means I really have time to decide.

I don't know why it feels like such a big deal.  Nate and I laugh that someday we will look back on all this and wonder why we made such a big deal about our doctor.  After all, people have survived for generations with not the best care or bedside manner, and it becomes just a funny footnote on your personal story.  I just feel like I have a chance to do something good, and I want to make sure I do it right.

We are touring the birthing center/hospital tonight.  I hope it helps shed some answers to our questions.

Love

Nate likes to talk to my belly.  He will kiss it and speak directly to it, saying "Cupcake, I hope you can hear me.  We love you sooooo much, you have no idea.  We can't wait to meet you."

I can't think of a more wonderful feeling than watching my husband be so overcome with happiness.

Food and it's effects

It seems that I really can't eat like I used to.  Nate says I say this after every meal, but it's because I cannot stress it enough.  Food that used to be norm for me will now suddenly feel like I gorged on heavily spiced oils.

Wednesday I went out with my girlfriends to a French restaurant, and had a pretty harmless meal (braised short rib with a side of polenta and steamed veggies).  I felt fine while eating, all was good.   I'll get into the cheese debate in a minute.

I get home and I don't feel too hot, but I just figure that it's because it's kinda late and these days I tire easily.  But on Thursday I felt awful.  Sick to my stomach, feeling nauseous at the mere thought of food.  I managed to make myself eat a few saltines and ginger ale, but otherwise I spent the day bedridden, unable to eat, and fighting a constant headache.  My mom told me it was because sometimes foreign specialty cuisines can be heavily seasoned, in a way our stomachs aren't used to processing.  But I think that was a bunch of bull.  Case in point, Friday I was finally able to chew, so I made myself some steamed rice and veggies, and only seasoned it with salt.  And I still had nausea afterward.    It's like my body's food aversions are changing so fast I can't keep up with them.  Miracle of life, blah blah blah, I'm getting frustrated with feeling like I have a constant stomach ache.

I'm also concerned that all this might have happened because I had soft cheeses.  It was a French restaurant, and they had a wonderful special deal of a cheese tray if everyone got an entrée.  And I knew in the back of my head that I wasn't supposed to have unpasteurized cheeses, and that those were common in soft imported cheeses, but I really didn't feel like asking, and I wanted a couple of tastes of the brie.  So I ate it, small amounts, but there is a paranoid part of me that is scared that I did damage to our little cupcake and that's why I've been so sick the last few days.  The doctor said to be responsible with my diet but not go crazy, that the baby is stronger than we think, but I'm feeling incredibly self-conscious about everything I do.  Mostly because my appetite seems to be all out of whack.

Today I wanted a bagel with lox, and came to realize that smoked fish is on the Avoid list for pregnant women.  Grrr.... Im' getting very frustrated with all that I can't eat.

Sonogram

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="300" caption="Cupcake only 6 weeks in the womb"][/caption]

Last Friday we had the first sonogram of the pregnancy.  And, oh my goodness, we hard the heartbeat!!!

We went to the NYU medical center, where everyone was very nice, and the nurse made us feel like she was truly sharing the moment with us (even though I'm sure she sees fetuses every 10 minutes).  Then she stuck some camera contraption up my "princess" and voila, there was an image on the overhead monitor.  Nate was there holding my hand, and both of us were looking in awe.  At a blob, in all honesty.  The nurse said the baby looked healthy, but I have no idea how she could tell what was what.  Experience, obviously.  She patiently showed us what each part was, and the outline of my active ovary, and the feeding sack (she called it its backpack).  All in all, it looked like a blob of mashed potatoes.  Mmmmm.... mashed potatoes.

And then,  she turned the audio and we heard the heartbeat.  Super fast, but oh so clear.  And I felt the tears coming out my eyes, and looked over and Nate was equally excited.  It's the most amazing feeling.  I think the pregnancy seemed like the abstract thing that was happening to me until  I heard its heart.  It's a little creature, living in my belly, and I couldn't feel happier about it.

Afterward we sent everyone in the family an image of the sonogram.  Our families are super excited.

Cupcake, you will be loved, no doubt about that.

Natural Births?

I seem to be having a major existential crisis regarding the options of totally drug free natural birth at a birthing center, and the more medically invasive hospital births.   Truth is, I'm just scared of cesarean sections.  That's the ultimate driving force behind all the internal debate.

I am also terrified beyond belief of the pain from ejecting a human being out of my delicate lady parts.  I go back and forth.

On one side, our bodies were designed for birthing, and there is nothing more natural than the miracle of life.  On the other hand, historically there was a high rate of infant and mother mortality and birth was an incredibly risky life threatening process.  So far be it from me to critique the advances of modern medicine.  Sure, they might remove us from the purity of the birthing experience, but at least we are alive to complain about it.

We were talking with Nate about whether to use a birthing center or hospital.  And he's decided that I'm the type of person who needs to be in a hospital.  If only because i need to have everything at my disposal to make the informed decision to reject it.  He knows me well, and a non-tense mama is a happier mama.

Having a cold

So apparently if you get a cold while pregnant you can't take medicine.  No antibiotics, no over the counter stuff.  Which is totally understandable, and something I agree with, but I think I underestimated how demoralizing it is to know that drugs are not an option.  I feel trapped by my cold.  And weakened because of my nausea.  I need to eat, but I am unable to stomach things. Yet I know that if I don't eat I have no hope of fighting this mild illness.

It's a vicious cycle and I'm not happy about it.

I do wonder what it would be like if it wasn't 30 degrees outside with 10 inches of snow.  Maybe if it wasn't so cold I'd be more energetic, more likely to be outside getting some movement into my system.  This is why I'm so happy that my big belly months will be in the summer.  I can handle uncomfortable heat so much better than the cold.

Pregnancy Simptoms

So lets start by talking about what's going on in my body, shall we?  I am getting very conflicted messages.  On one end there's a prevalent attitude that "you're not sick, you're just pregnant."  Empowering words meant to remind us that as modern women, we are in control of our lives and our bodies and can still live out lives to the fullest.  You don't lose your independence and identity because you become a mother, rather, you become energized by it.

And then there's the part where I really don't feel very well.  Morning sickness, exhaustion, headaches, and the constant feeling of bloating are bringing me down big time.  Specially the tiredness.  It makes me feel like I have to drag myself everywhere, and now it seems I can't even play volleyball, my one social and athletic outlet.   And when I talk to my parents about this, they seem to agree that its normal to feel under the weather, that my body is going through lots of changes, and that the best thing to do is sleep and relax.

Wait, I thought I wasn't sick?  Make up your mind.

I'm waiting for the "glow".  It doesn't seem to be happening yet.  Or maybe I have it but since we haven't told anyone yet it's not as obvious.  They say morning sickness and its associated elements end after the first trimester.  We'll see how it goes.

Starting out

About two and a half weeks ago, we took a pregnancy test and realized, to our total joy and surprise, that we were pregnant. We decided to name the zygot cupcake. First of all, it sounds much more poetic than zygot or embryo, and also, Nate's nickname for Natalia is Babycakes, so it would seem fitting that a babycake would have a cupcake in its belly.

We decided to start a blog to document the scary, amazing, overwhelming, and crazy experience that is becoming parents. We hope to include here things we find out about pregnancy itself, and infant care, our feelings regarding the issues, our symptoms, and hopefully someday look back and remember how young and innocent we were then