Monday, January 17, 2011

Nesting? or just anxiety?

Is there such a thing as postpartum nesting?  Because I'm pretty sure I have it.  All afternoon I've felt this weird anxiety, and this need to clean the house drawers.  Like if I don't clean the drawers the world i going to end or something.  Which it very well might, but I highly doubt it.

I don't know why I'm having this nervous sense of dread.  And it doesn't help that Cupcake has been acting on edge too.  I think we just feed off each other.  Has it really only been a week since we got back in town from the Holidays?  Maybe that's it.  A week ago today we were just getting re-acquainted with home, the schedule and the cold weather, and hanging out just the three of us.  And it the midst of it all she had her 3 month shots.  So maybe I should give the LO a break for being out of sorts.

She went on a screaming crying spree Saturday night, the likes of which I hadn't really seen before.  Poor thing, got freaked out when the people we were with started yelling at the TV while watching a game.  I should have followed my instincts and picked her up immediately, but my friend wanted to try rocking her.  By the time we got her she was pretty inconsolable, and cried/screamed for about 20 minutes before we were able to calm her down.  Lesson learned, Cupcake doesn't want random people holding her at football parties.

Maybe its the memory of last night that had me so anxious today.  Maybe its the fact that her naps were all over the place, including a super long 2 hour afternoon nap.  It worries me if there's something wrong with her.  I fear that she's having a weird reaction to her vaccine.

Which brings me to the real source of anxiety.  Dammed MCAD.  Always getting in the way.  Always in the back of my mind as something that we need to watch out for.  If she sleeps too much, seems fussy, is acting strange, I worry that she's getting sick, which could cause her to have a fever, which could cause an MCAD crisis.  And when my brain gets to this point, it freaks out.

Today I've been dealing with all of this by cleaning, something I never do.  Well, at least Cupcake's clothes are super organized again.

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